


Home is a Family

by Wolfskater63



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: F/F, F/M, Gen, It's adorable and great, Lup and Barry have twin daughters, M/M, You're Welcome, everyone is happy, nobody forgets, the rating is cause of swears
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-04
Updated: 2018-01-04
Packaged: 2019-02-09 05:02:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,847
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12880710
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wolfskater63/pseuds/Wolfskater63
Summary: Lucretia gave them a wry smile, "About that, I have a plan that might actually work a bit better."The relics aren't working like they thought. So now they are making a new plan. And this time the Hunger is going to die. They are working together as a family on this, and on taking care of the new, younger, members of their family.Aka the AU where Lucretia talks to her fucking family.





	1. Where several decisions are made and Lucretia doesn't fuck up

The rest of the crew was silent as Lup gave her announcement. She told them about the latest town that had been decimated by her relic. Her and Barry’s twin toddlers were playing in their playpen in the corner, their happy babbling in stark contrast to the somber mood of the room. Lup finished giving them her news quickly and dismissed them, not having much more to say.

She watches as Taako and Barry exchange a look, and Barry goes to grab the kids. He picks up Churrita first and hands her to Magnus, she squeals in delight when she sees him and pulls on his sideburns, while Barry balances Tarch on his hip. They both leave the room, and Taako corners her, before she has a chance to follow them out. She knows what’s coming. She knows her brother is going to try his best to cheer her up. Because that’s what he does. That’s what they do for each other.

He gives her a speech and does his stupid thong song dance. She does end up laughing at that, almost falling out of her chair. But still, the whole time she thinks about how she doesn’t deserve this. Doesn’t deserve to be happy and safe with a family. She thinks about how her daughters will grow up to be disappointed in her. And after thanking Taako for trying being there for her she makes her decision. She sighs and goes to help Barry tuck in the twins. She kisses them both on the forehead as they curled up next to each other in their crib. Now she just has to wait for Barry to fall asleep.

“Are you okay?” he asks her, looking more concerned than Taako had.

“I’m fine babe,” she smiles and kisses his cheek, hoping that it will be enough to convince him. It isn’t. He’s still looking at her with that horrible worried look of his, and she wants to tell him her plan, but she can’t. He’d just stop her and this is something she has to do. She has to get the Phoenix Fire Gauntlet away from people before anyone else dies. “I’m just worried about the girls getting hurt by the relics.”

“They’ve got the whole crew protecting them, they’ll be alright.” He kissed her forehead and went to get ready for bed. She sighed and followed his lead. Acting like nothing was wrong as she lied down next to him. She was going to have to leave for a while, she knew that much. Just long enough to find her relic and hide it where no one could find it.

She was already coming up with a plan, what to take with her, how to find it, where to hide it, and how to explain herself when she got back. She at least had an idea of where it was, and all she would really need to take with her was her robe and her umbrella. Where to hide it was going to be an issue, but that was something that could be figured out when she was on the ground. Right now she should focus on what to write in her note so they wouldn’t worry.

Barry started snoring, letting her know that he had fallen asleep. She got up carefully, wiggling out of his arms as quickly as possible. He stirred slightly but didn’t wake up and she breathed a sigh of relief, before getting dressed: the plainest and most comfy clothes she had, with her IPRE robe, and the Umbrastaff to complete the look. She left the room without a second glance towards Barry or the girls, so she wouldn’t second guess herself. 

In the kitchen she grabbed the notebook and pencil her and Taako used for writing down recipes and started to write her note. She kept starting, and then erasing them, not sure of what to put, not sure of what to say as a silent goodbye. After a while she ended up with two words, back soon, signed with a kiss and placed gently on the table. Turning to leave, she was surprised to see Lucretia in the doorway.

“Where are you going?” She asked, blocking Lup’s exit.

“Well, I was uh...” she started, unsure of what to tell her friend.

“You’re going after the gauntlet aren’t you?” Lucretia asked, not bothering to wait for Lup to give her an actual answer.

“I can’t just leave it out in the world, not after seeing what it’s capable of. What kind of monster would that make me? What would it make the girls think of me?” she asked, finally giving voice to the concerns that had been plaguing her for a while now. The concerns that had led her to making this decision.

“What will they think if you never come back? If they grow up without a mother? What will Taako and Barry think tomorrow when they wake up and you aren’t there? It’s not fair of you to leave us like this.” 

“I can’t do nothing Luce,” she told her, voice cracking ever so slightly under the emotional strain.

“I’m not saying do nothing, I’m saying don’t go alone,” she said, stepping closer. She sighed, looking at war with herself for a second before, “Listen, I have a plan that will fix all of this. And I’m going to tell everyone tomorrow. Can you wait until then? Just until I tell everyone my plan, and then you can make a new decision about this, okay?”

Lup sighed, “that’s a big ask Lucy.” She thought about it for a minute in silence, Lucretia waiting patiently for her answer. On one hand, Lup felt as if though she should get the gauntlet as soon possible, on the other hand, it wouldn’t be fair to leave Barry alone to take care of the kids, even if he had the whole Starblaster crew to help him take care of them, and it wasn’t fair to leave Taako without telling him why. In the end she relented, “fine, I’ll wait to see what your plan is tomorrow.” 

Lucretia smiled and thanked her, giving her a hug before going back off to bed. Lup rubbed her hands over her face before following, crumpling up her note and stuffing it into her robe’s pocket. Barry woke up when he heard her walk back in, sitting up and looking at her confusedly.

“Sorry babe, was just out getting some fresh air,” she told him, taking off of her cloak and sitting plopping on the bed. He nodded tiredly and wrapped an arm around her, falling back asleep with his head buried in her hair. Lup silently thanked Lucretia for stopping her from leaving this, and prayed that her plan was a good one.

* * *

Lup didn’t have to wait long into the next day for Lucretia to start her “meeting.” Surprisingly, she brought it up during breakfast. Lup was helping Barry feed the girls, oatmeal because they were just starting to get to more solid food, and Taako was cooking bacon and french toast, while Magnus sleepily made coffee for everyone. It was in the middle of this daily, mundane routine that Lucretia decided to bring up her plan.

“Guys, I think we need to have a talk,” she started, waiting for everyone to quiet down and look at her quizzically before continuing. “I don’t think the relics are working.”

“What? But I thought the hunger can’t find us?” Magnus asked, confusion and worry dominating his expression.

“Yeah Luce, what the hell? Didn’t we uh... Didn’t we decide it was the best plan?” Taako added.

“Is this about what the relics are doing to this world? Because Lucretia, we talked about this, your plan would cause just as much damage to this world,” Barry reminded her.

“No, listen, what the relics are doing to this world isn’t right, and I know my original plan would probably have a similar effect. I have a new plan now, a plan that would fix what we did to this world, and defeat the hunger once and for all, not just hide us from it, but actually destroy it.” They all looked at her in disbelief, Lup especially. She had, they all had, researched everything they could to find a way to destroy the hunger. What they were doing now was the best possible option. 

“We need to gather the relics back, so I can channel my shielding spell,” she held a hand up as several of them moved to interrupt her. “So I can channel my shielding spell on the hunger and break the bonds holding it together,” she finished.

Lup was dumbfounded, and as she looked around it seemed as if the rest of the crew was as well. Taako was staring at her wide-eyed, Magnus had gone slack jawed, Barry was so shocked he didn’t even move as Churrita giggled and smeared oatmeal on his face. 

“I’ve been thinking about what you guys said about using my spell on this plane and I think it would kill the hunger if it’s bonds were cut. Since so many of them are holding other planes onto it,” Lucretia continued with the rest only half listening. 

Oh. 

**Oh**. 

This might just work. 


	2. Where Plans are Made and a Relic is Found

It was obvious which relic they should go after first. Lup’s relic was the most dangerous, and she was willing to leave them all in the middle of the night in order to stop it. Not that anyone knew that, it was a secret kept between Lucretia and Lup herself. So of course as soon as it was agreed upon to gather up all of the relics, Lup left to go get her’s with Magnus and Taako in tow (Magnus because a big buff fighter was always a good idea and Taako because he didn’t want to let his sister go alone).

That left Lucretia with Davenport, Merle, and Barry to figure out the rest. It was going very slowly. “I don’t think this is something the seven of us can do alone, we don’t know enough about this world, and there are too many people after the relics,” Lucretia said, rubbing her hands over her face. They were going in circles, going nowhere fast, and it was starting to get tiring.  

“Yeah, but who would we get to help us? And are there any other options for gathering information?” Davenport asked, looking at the map of Faerun they had set up on the table.

“You mean besides going there and talking to people?” Merle asked, looking up from the floor. He was playing with the twins, more interested in keeping the babies occupied than the discussion at hand. He wasn’t really their best strategic mind, and of course he would suggest the most direct route.

“I mean that would probably work better if we had permanent homes on the surface, and had neighbors, and friends down there. But we don’t, so it’s not really the best option,” Davenport pointed out, trying not to look too frustrated with him.

“Couldn’t we just do that? Go live in this world for a while and make bonds with the people down there? If this plan works we’re gonna be here forever anyways,” Merle pointed out.

“There is still the matter of the people fighting over our relics, but yeah that is a pretty sound idea,” Lucretia said, thinking it over. It would work with understanding this plane and its people, and help them preemptively adjust to living in this world once it was all over. However, there was still the problem of it not being enough to find all of the relics.

“Uh, I can think of a pretty easy solution to stop the relic wars,” Barry said, speaking up for the first time in all of this. He was sitting in the corner, watching his daughters, and listening intently.

“Well what is it?” Davenport asked, perking up. They were finally getting a plan now. They could finally move on with this. They might finally be able to fix this world, and be rid of the hunger forever.

“What if we used the voidfish to erase everyone’s memories of the relics? We could all incoculate ourselves so we wouldn’t forget, and the fighting would stop,” Barry explained, “then we just have to worry about finding where the relics ended up.”

The room seemed to pause as they all took a moment to think it over. Even Tarch and Churrita seemed unnaturally still. That would probably work well, and with them living on the surface it was possible that they would just end up finding the relics. Lucretia felt like they would need a back up plan to find them though. Something that she would do herself. An expedition for her to lead. This was her plan after all. She felt like it was her duty to take the bulk of the burden of it.

But in short this plan could work. And she had an inkling of an idea as to what could be done about gathering information.

* * *

A few hours later Lup, Taako, and Magnus returned successful. They were covered in sweat, dirt, a bit of blood (hopefully not their own), and soot. Taako was holding the gauntlet in his arms, Magnus had a big smile on his face, and Lup looked relieved, immediately heading to her daughters.

Taako dropped the gauntlet down on the kitchen table, and then plopped himself down into a chair. “Please tell me you guys came up with a plan while we were gone.”

“We did, but you probably won’t like it,” Barry said, handing him Tarch, who reached for his ears. Good idea, Taako was the least likely to like this plan and with his niece in his arms he was less likely to lash out. 

“Oh no? What is it?” Magnus asked, his victorious smile turning to worry. Lup walked in with Churrita on her him and a frown on her face.

“Its a multi-step plan, and the first part means that we need to split up for a bit,” Barry started.

Taako stood up quickly, Tarch bouncing in his arms. “Split up? Why would we split up?”

“We need to live on the surface for a while. That’ll be easier if we aren’t all living together,” Barry explained slowly.

“You want us to live on the surface? While the relic wars are happening? With children?!” he screeched. Both babies instantly started crying, upset by their uncle’s outburst.

“We have a way to stop the war,” Lucretia said, watching as Barry took Tarch from Taako. As much as he loved his nieces he wasn’t very good at dealing with them when they were upset. 

“Oh really? And uh, how exactly are you going to do that?” he demanded.

“Using the voidfish, you will all be inoculated and live on the surface, while Davenport and I set up an organization to help with the finding and disposal of the relics,” Lucretia explained, trying to pacify him.

“I know me and Barry will be busy taking care of our kids, but that doesn’t mean we won’t help,” Lup said, looking more offended than someone trying to calm down a screaming kid should be.

“Once the organization has been made we’ll bring you guys in to help with actually gathering the relics.” 

Taako slumped back down into the chair. “So what? Just like that we’re going our separate ways?”

Barry shifted awkwardly, moving his daughter to his other hip, “actually there is one other matter before we do that.”

* * *

 The voidfish's ichor was unpleasant to drink. That was very evident to Lucretia by the rest of her crew’s faces. What was even more unpleasant however, was trying to get a pair of five-month-olds to drink it.

Tarch was leaning as far away from it as she possibly could, and Churrita was shaking her head no, and babbling unhappily. Lup and Barry were trying to give them a teaspoon of the stuff like medicine while the rest of them watched on in vague amusement. “Alright that’s it! Uncle Taako’s gonna fix this sitch.”

Lucretia watched as Taako went and grabbed two of his chocolate chip cookies out of the designated cookie jar. The twins were just starting to eat solid foods and so far their uncle Taako’s cookies were their favorite. He stood in front of them and held out the cookies to them, just out of their reach. “Come on now. Don’t you want some of Taako’s famous cookies.” They took the bait. Reaching towards the cookies, mouths’ wide open, they were unaware as their parents took the opportunity to slip the ichor into their mouths. Synchronized swallowing, two small grimaces, and then before a whimper could be let out, two cookies were placed into each of their tiny hands.

“And that folks is how you get children to take their medicine,” Taako said, bowing the the pizazz of a showman.

“Alright, now that’s taken care of, it’s moving day,” Davenport said, heading towards the helm. It was time for them all to go to their new homes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now that school is out, the holidays are over, and I have a working computer, I'm going to try for weekly updates. Hopefully. At the very least bi weekly updates. Every chapter will be from a different person's perspective in the IPRE, cycling, and eventually when the twins are older from their perspectives. Hope you guys enjoyed, sorry the chapters are so short. Please comment, so I know if you guys actually enjoy this, or if you guys think the premise and writing is dumb.


	3. Where Everyone gets a New Home and Taako is Alone(TM)

Magnus was dropped off at a small rustic town known as Raven’s Roost. It was well known for its Craftsman's corridor, and Magnus would fit in well with his carpentry abilities. Merle was brought do a community of beach dwarves. Among them were the Rockseekers, distant cousins of Merle’s who miraculously lived in this reality. Lup and Barry got a nice house in a small town called Glamorsprings. It was safe and quiet and the perfect place to raise two children. Lucretia and Davenport would be staying on the Starblaster for the time being.

And Taako? Taako got a stagecoach, and a sign advertising “Sizzlin’ it up with Taako,” his very own cooking show. Somehow he couldn’t bring himself to be too excited about it with his family split up like this. He had always expected Lup to be there with him when he finally got famous, and after she had kids well... He had given up that dream for the chance to be there for his nieces, unlike his own family.

But now that plan was also shot to shit because of another stupid plan. He’ll get to see them of course. In between shows, on his way from one town to another, acting as a messenger for his extended family. Not to mention Lucretia had promised that it would only last for a few years. The girls would still be little kids when they all were reunited again. Still though, it hurt, not being with them. Not being with his sister, or even any of the men he had come to call brother, or Lucretia everyone’s pseudo baby sister, or Davenport and Merle, the crew’s collective father figures. For the first time ever he was completely alone.

Which meant he was going to milk it for everything it was worth and make his show the most successful thing this reality had ever seen. He stayed the first night with Lup and Barry, making sure they settled in okay, and after that he traveled to the nearest town that was of any note. It took him three days of travel to get there. All three days were spent planning his show, what he would make, what he would wear, the best way to perform, everything he could think of.

It didn’t go well.

Nobody knew what it was and the few people who did come didn’t seem all that impressed. Just his cooking wasn’t enough, he had to add in something more, and he was pissed. He was Taako from TV! The best transmutation wizard in all of existence, and probably also the best damn cook. And they just ignored him!

Well he wasn’t going to let that stand. He was going to figured out how to make people watch his show and become a godsdamned celebrity. People were going to know who he was if it was the last thing he’d do. But it wouldn’t be the last thing he did because after they knew who he was he’d have to capitalize on that shit with tee-shirts or something.

* * *

 Six months and several more towns later and he finally got the hang of attracting a crowd. His personality is perfect for this show biz, but plan old cooking isn’t exciting enough for them. So he’s added in some of his transmutation to make it more interesting. And what’d ya know? It actually works.

He would be doing another show right now, somewhere high and fancy, like Goldcliff, but it’s almost his niece’s first birthday and like hell he’s gonna miss that. Not to mention the rest of the crew will probably be meeting on the day of their actual birthday to celebrate. But it’s his duty as their favorite (if he isn’t their favorite when they grow up he’s gonna throw a fit) uncle to be there a few weeks early and spoil them as much as possible in the meantime.

As his wagon pulled up the road to his sisters house he saw her and Barold out on their front lawn, each of them holding one of their daughters’ hands as they waddled barefoot on the grass. “Teaching them to walk without me?! Their favorite uncle Taako!” he called as he stopped the wagon.

“Unk” “Akko!” the two little girls called out, Churrita saying the first word and Tarch followed with the second.

“And they started talking!” he exclaimed getting off of his cart.

“Yeah well you’ve been gone for six months. Kids start doing that stuff around this age,” Lup said, smiling widely at her brother, despite the harsh words.

“At least we taught them your name,” Barry pointed out, as Taako got closer to them, “We haven’t taught them the other’s names yet.”

Taako quickly gave them both a side arm hug,“I-I wanted to, listen that’s not the point uh, I wanted to be there for that. But I wasn’t cause of this stupid plan. I fucking hate it.” With that statement made he scooped one of his nieces up into each of his arms.

“Feck!” Churrita exclaimed happily.

“And yet here you are, already teaching my daughters to swear before they’re even a year old,” Lup mock scolded him.

“Yup! They grow up fast sis, gotta be ready for it,” he said, carrying the girls towards the house. “Lets go inside so I can spoil these guys with all of the presents I got them.”

“You got them presents?” Barry asked, as they followed him inside.

“Yes, I got souvenirs from every town I visited,” he explained, pushing the door open with his hip.

“Taako, my dearest brother, my heart, best uncle to my children, I’m not putting away your wagon for you.” He grumbled and handed the girls to his sister and went to put away the cart.

* * *

 Later that day the twins were napping on his lap as the grown-ups sat down and talked. He had gotten them mini battlewagons from Goldcliff, and dragon stuffed animals from Neverwinter, and little matching wizard hats that matched his, and a jumble of different stuffed animals from small towns that had nothing unique to offer, but it seemed like they enjoyed them all. Currently though they were only holding the mongoose stuffed animals he had made for them when he found out he was going to be an uncle. 

“So Taako how’s your cooking show been?” Lup asked with a slight smirk on her face, “terrible since you don’t have my help with the taste-testing?”

“No, it’s been amazing, especially since I started using transmutation to make it showier,” he boasted.

Barry put an arm around his wife’s shoulders, “Sounds interesting to watch, you gonna do a show here?”

“A show here? In Glamorsprings? I mean I could try out my new thirty-two garlic clove recipe,” Taako said. “Sure, why the hell not?”

They talked for longer about his show, and how it was to travel alone. He brought up the idea of him hiring an assistant. And then the talk turned to the kids.

“So how about you guys? How’s it been being **_domestic_ **?” Taako asked.

“It’s nice living in one place permanently, you should try it sometime,” Lup answered.

“Yeah sure, just as soon as this stupid plan is done,” Taako huffed, his ears flattening to his head.

“The girls haven’t been taking well to this plan either,” Barry sighed, looking down at them.

“What? Why not? What’s making them uncomfortable?” Taako demanded.

“Their used to having a lot more people around. They are lonely. Just the two of us taking care of them is a lot harder than all seven of us,” Lup told them.

“They missed you,” Barry added, “they were so happy to see you today, the happiest they’ve been in a while.” Taako sighed and kissed each of the girls on their foreheads. The sooner Lucretia finished making her organization the better. Then they could all be a family again, and they could reclaim their relics.

* * *

 “Alright girls? You ready to learn how to make sugar cookies?” Taako asked, as the twins started up at him from the floor, teething toys in their mouths. He nodded, should’ve expected as much from toddlers. He was babysitting them for a few hours, while Lup and Barry went on a date for the first time in six months.

“Okay well first off you need baking soda and baking powder, which are different mind you,” he said in his showman's voice, “But we only have the one so I’ll be transmuting it into the other.” He grabbed the pre-portioned baking powder he set aside earlier and transmuted it to baking soda with a flourish and a few prestidigitated sparks. “Then we mix in the flour and in the second bowl the cream, butter, and sugar.”  

Churrita picked up one of the battlewagon toys and started playing with it, while Tarch crawled closer to him and started up at him with big baby brown eyes. “Well at least one of you is enjoying this,” he said, continuing on with his act. Once he had a completely made batter Churrita crawled over to him too, and both of them reached for the batter. “No no no, this has raw egg in it, and your mom would kill me if I got you sick. And then your dad would bring me back as his undead servant. You can taste the icing.”

“Up, unk aako,” Churrita demanded.

“Up! Up!” Tarch added, clapping happily. He sighed and picked them up baking was going to be very difficult while also taking care of them. Cooking with both hands occupied was impossible.

He set them down carefully on the table and continued his work on the counter. After the cookies were placed on the pan and in the oven he started to make the icing. A strawberry buttercream icing made with fresh strawberries would be tasty for kids. The twins babbling to each other in the background while he mixed the ingredients, no longer bothering to narrate his process, they didn’t appreciate it so what was the point.

By the time he had finished that the cookies had to be pulled out of the oven. “Ookie!” They spoke in unison, reminding Taako of himself and Lup when they were little, even though these two weren’t identical.

“They need to cool. But you two can try this,” he said, holding out two small spoons, filled with icing, in front of them. They took the spoons eagerly, putting them in their mouths. So they ate in sync too, interesting.  

He smiled at them and started to put the icing into a piping bag. There was something he wanted to try. Taako took the cookies off of the tray, and onto the biggest plate he could find. Turning back to the twins he noticed that Churrita still had her spoon in her mouth, despite the fact that it was clean, and Tarch had put hers down in order to inspect one of the measuring cups he had left out. 

First he put the cookies down and then he shifted the twins so they were on chairs instead of the table. “Alright last thing you wanna do is to ice the cookies,” he said, showman’s voice back on. Making a smiley face on one of the cookies he continued, “now you just want to pipe them like this. Now you guys try.”

When Lup and Barry got home the kitchen was a mess. As were the cookies. Each cookie had an abundance of icing on them, but it sure didn’t look pretty. However, Lup took one look at it and started cooing about how artistically inclined her daughters were, kissing their cheeks despite the icing all over their faces. 

As he watched his sister and brother-in-law struggle to give their daughters a bath, laughing at their pain, he thought about how he couldn’t wait till he got to be around this permanently again. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was supposed to be out 3 days ago but Taako was fighting with me. I'm gonna kill Taako Taaco, in real life. Anyways, it just gets cuter from here, enjoy the cute babies and remember to leave a review. Next chapter you all get to see how good of a dad Barold J. Bluejeans is. Also I think this is my longest chapter so far.

**Author's Note:**

> This is going to be a long fanfic, but the next chapter wont be out for a while, because I have finals coming up. But I was too excited and wanted to put this out into the world for everyone to enjoy.


End file.
